is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
