we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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