I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
