3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
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Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
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I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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