is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
