Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Vodka?
Forever.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
