Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Its about making memories worth repressing
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
