this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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