My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
