anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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