We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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