I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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