ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
