i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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