I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
