is your mom at the bar?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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