Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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