Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
