Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
