Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
