I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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