you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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