i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
