it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The power of my boobs compel you
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
