Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
ttyl tear gas
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
