I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
