I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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