apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
