You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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