We're like a lot better than the average bears
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
