we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He shit in the fireplace
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
