i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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