Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
