Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
