i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
