If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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