he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
