I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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