So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
