If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
