3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
