Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
