when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
