I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
