they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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