I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
