Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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