I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
