I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
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i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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