If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
