He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
