I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
