Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
