Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
