If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
