woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
