3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
