Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
