Only a mothe r could love this liver
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
