It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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