I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
