1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
