Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.