Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.