Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.