: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.