so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
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sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
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How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...