she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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