I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
