i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
