member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
